Unhappy marriage after baby reddit. Intimacy issues. tl;dr Unhappy marriage, lots of issues and not what sure to do because I’m financially dependent on him. 90% of population of my Village is dependent directly on farming . We had so much in common and wanted the same things out of life. His excuse is being overworked, while I’m able to “sit on my ass” all day, that I can nap when baby naps, that it can’t possibly be this hard to manage baby and the house, he even compared me to his ex wife and that she was able to have 2 kids and still kept the house clean so why A little background on us 26 f 30 m 2 yr old toddler 3 years married Things went down hill a year after having baby. Let your husband know his marriage is on the rocks. Accept that your life will change. They expected me to bring a lot of “gifts” and weren’t satisfied with what my parents gave. You can absolutely file for divorce. Obviously with getting pregnant so early we didn’t have an exactly solid Thar said, babies are hard. It's simpler to just stay with someone you are living with and just go on with it, hoping things will get better. Option 2: Decide that you are not willing to give up sex for the rest of your life, and make the hard decision to leave. My husband and I have been married almost two years. I've had a very good marriage, but anyone who tells you it's easy after 20 years and a few kids is ly in mg or in a very lucky and rare situation. 7M subscribers in the relationship_advice community. Husband says he’s unhappy after 2 years of marriage. The important thing is that the good outweighs the bad. Now i have nothing while he has worked and bought everything. I am 32/F. I took care of baby, did the night feedings, housework, and worked full time. There’s no way to know how someone will behave or treat you during or after a divorce/separation. ago. We agreed 9. •. Nov 5, 2021 · Just like holding your breath allows you to swim underwater while keeping in oxygen, going into a “mode” while staying in an unhappy marriage can help you keep swimming. If at the end of the day your husband can't or won't give you the love and affection he should, if you're that unhappy, you don't have to stay married to him. Josiah/Lauren: I think they are miserable. Our girl is 6 months now and I’ve been feeling this way for awhile but just became ready to, I’m unhappy. My husband (30M) and I (30F) have been married for 2. My kids are now 9 and 11. . The question is whether you have more happiness in marriage vs next best alternative (e. Then the accident happened, and I couldn’t find a job in my field and it’s been so slow moving. Even people who think things are ending amicably end up blindsided. I 54 male wife 49 female, Both on 3rd marriage. My wife began having strange ideas, easily distracted, mood swings, and paranoia. Oh no he didn’t get any sleep cause the baby kept waking up; but then he’s so fucking mean when he’s waking up to get the baby. Ask your husband to try a new tack and take deep breaths with you. Try giving yourself a bedtime whenever you have an opportunity. Sometimes hearing a third party repeat back to you what you’re saying can be really empowering/clarifying. ” “Why won’t he just fucking sleep” “I’m so sick and tired of doing this every night” and at that point I’m Stay busy, focus on your daughter, try to be financially independent and do not share your feelings with judge-mental people and gossip mongers. if you both have jobs it will be a little bit more difficult. Sawfish1212. My partner(34m) and I (23f) had only been dating 3 months when I got pregnant with our daughter (birth control failed). Respect her decision to end the relationship and do your best to build a strong, healthy, and respectful coparenting relationship. Everyone, even soulmates, have the potential to fall out of love once the chemical reaction goes away. It seems she don't care so Jan 3, 2017 · Some of the problems that couples face after having children include: Conflicts over parenting. The first few months will be challenging with nighttime feedings and all of the responsibilities that comes with caring for a newborn baby. Pffft. And then, every so often, especially when you are ready to date again, consider if you want to file for actual divorce. 🙀. There's not a surefire way to a perfect marriage but communication, care, and HEALTHY boundaries are essential. Our relationship was a lot of fun in the beginning and we got marriage fairly quickly (2 years after meeting). But for most people I've seen in my life it gets worse after marriage, many people prefer the distance and newness and excitement of dating. Having children will change your life, in our marriage it brought us closer. Obviously no mom wants to give up their kid 50% of the time, but it will probably be better for them long term to have a truly happy mom. No alone time. If I were you I would go to r/custody and browse. We’ve lived together for a few years. We met right after her 2nd divorce. Job troubles will stress you. 2. It sounds to me like he's just unhappy in your relationship. Acts of service. Me (34m) and wife (31f) have been married for 6yrs and together for 9yrs. The question is not whether you have more happiness or unhappiness in marriage. Marriage (and kids for that matter) are a combination of people that are all trying to figure out an ever evolving dynamic. It’s not unusual for couples to go through phases of feeling unhappy and it’s not really a reflection on their marriage as such. Ended up with a C-section, and through my stubbornness of insisting Don't have another child as it resets that clock. You and your spouse need to take time for each other, even with young kids. There is no divorce. We have a 1 year old together. She is now looking out for her own happiness and the emotional well being of your child by refusing to stay in an unhappy marriage. I have a lot of regret and resentment right now because she didn't try to fix our marriage at all, just gave up and decided that's why she was unhappy and left. Husband is always stressed about money and I’m home alone with baby. It’s like my husband wants sex, but not intimacy. He’s unaccomplished , unhygienic, he gaslights, has anger issues, is inconsiderate and Marriage isn't just unhappy or happy. Teen years will stress you. Every relationship takes a nose dive for the first 3 years after having a baby it’s completely normal. This post is almost word for word what I said to my mom the other day. Instead, spend the time recording early motherhood memories and milestones in a baby memory book. Newlywed feeling lonely and unhappy. Keeping things kind will build a strong foundation. Things don’t stay the same way all the years. You need to get OUT of this marriage. There are ways to be divorced that are better for kids than exposing them to a dead relationship 24/7. He/she knows you are unhappy, but as long as everything is running smoothly, it's During pregnancy, my wife decided to throw herself into a completely optional career goal (that didn’t result in more pay, just recognition), reminding her it would be only us two for the next 9months. I don’t know if it’s unhappiness or monotony but i work so hard and juggle between work and my kid. Settling for a dead marriage is lazy. His excuse is being overworked, while I’m able to “sit on my ass” all day, that I can nap when baby naps, that it can’t possibly be this hard to manage baby and the house, he even compared me to his ex wife and that she was able to have 2 kids and still kept the house clean so why Just so you know, the first three years of a child's life are IMO the toughest on a marriage. It is work. There are a lot of factors to consider My husband and I have been together 7 years, married for 5. Next, make an appointment with an attorney to see what a divorce will look like in your particular situation. Especially women. But most of your marriage will not be spent living with a baby, so the attractive parts of your husband could re-appear. Love Wife but Unhappy Marriage : r/Marriage. It took me finally breaking down and telling him I was going to leave before he agreed to it. It's not all abuse and belligerence. Baby sees functional relationships, doesn’t remember divorce, and doesn’t grow up jaded by memories of miserable parents. Make time for exercise and eat well. Patriarchy is definitely to blame. I have a nanny thought but still it gets super difficult. When the baby needs medical care he does not follow up to pursue treatments. We initially rejected the proposal in 2020, but they insisted I say yes and convince him to move after marriage. Most of the problem is like disagreeable moms have a social circle full of unhappy friends and they just reinforce eachothers toxic behavior and make everyone cynical. Leave leave leave leave leave. Fill our hearts with love for each other, and may you make each one of us realize each other's worth. I’m unhappy with my relationship. My husband (38M) and me (37F) have been happily married for 8 years and we have a toddler. We saw each other off and on for 3 years but nothing serious. They go to bed around 830 to 9pm. I’m 33. But I think what you'll gain in return will be way more beneficial than the dual income situation. Times are not always good. Lack of support. You're not going anywhere unless you're generating an income and have a means to support yourself. Everything was great except my in-laws didn’t like me or family. The bad times are bad. Wonder how often that happens. Crops would have failed if it didn't rain within a week . We lack respect for… He often does not clean up after himself, and forgets to do half of the things he promises to do. That's number one. Tell them each that their constant toxicity towards each other is eating at you. Unless you've actively tried to maintain a life outside your marriage. Slamming stuff, cursing under his breath about he has to “get the fucking kid again. For men, there is no comparable Take that away and you have very few things to define you. Yours are the former. My husband (39) and I (34) have been together since 2012, married for 2 1/2 years and had our first child 5 months ago. Be each other’s shoulders to cry one and don’t forget to remain best friends. Another truth is that your life will never be the same after having a baby. The first few years suck but will get better. Hi! I have been married for almost 10 years and most of the time we have lived in Japan. You dislike him because he’s not doing his part as a parent. And other expenditure you incurred and the interest on your expenditure for 2. 1 I would strongly recommend marriage counseling starting with communication skills. it will be lonely but plenty have made that choice and lived with it as peacefully as those who are lucky to be in happy marriages. Marriage annulment. Desi cultures treat marriages as the ultimate purpose of existence. I talked to him and he said yes as well. always been dramatically different from each other, but we agree on the important stuff, and keep an open mind. And the question you should really look hard and ask yourself: are you unhappy in your marriage or are you just unhappy? I'm not saying whether you should or shouldn't stay. Maybe because they want to try and work it out before quitting. Fill it with love, joy, patience, and understanding. swancandle. Screaming at each other will erode it all because you can’t unring bells. Unhappy parents means unhappy household—— people don’t stay married anymore like our parents/grandparents. Bless me and my partner, so that we may never surrender to whatever challenges that come our way. It's not heroic to stay in a dead marriage for the kids. Do what make you happy. They all overlap, but people tend to grow up feeling loved in a certain way, so maybe they're a dates & vacation person, or a chocolate & flowers person, or whatever. Please I am not looking for judgement just encouragement and advice on how to leave after 12 years of being together 11 years married. You can more easily understand their sleep cycle and get them on a scheduled Very happy when times are good. Don’t stay in an unhappy marriage for your child that is insane. She was on edge all the time, worrying about literally everything big and small, and would get so angry over even the smallest of perceived infractions by our daughter - then turn her anger towards me for not backing her in these explosive moments. I wasn’t doing enough around the house two weeks after giving birth. My wife, however, totally changed. For the mothers and wives that have commented, your perspective is valuable. Please touch the heart of my partner,fill it with much love for me. Award. 5 years. Single). Your number one priority is to have gainful employment. My husband and I have been together for ten years and we have 2 kids (6 and 11). We almost separated while I was pregnant but before we even… My husband never relaxes or cares about a nice quality of life. Therapy, date nights, moving - try some things before you just shrug and give up. 18. If you are going to be committed to someone for the long haul, you will have periods of happiness and unhappiness. Unhappiness is the result of unmatched expectations. Yes, it will be sad and difficult for you, but if you can't accept him as he is, then you should let him go, and let yourself have a chance to be truly happy and fulfilled. After recently having a baby our relationship has spiraled out of control. I understand it’s hard not to become stressed with be coming a provider for 2 human beings, but I really wish he wouldn’t be so uptight. I am absolutely terrified of losing my daughter and emotionally scarring her. People keep judging the moms all the time no matter what we do. However, my husband was above all this. Physical touch. It's heroic to try to save the relationship. When I met her, we both had full time jobs and became each others best friend. Divorce is a horrible, time consuming, expensive process. Something is making you unhappy. I get this feeling that eventually (after Boob is gone), they will divorce. He/she simply refuses to make any changes and insists that your concerns are not a big deal. That was almost 8 years ago. Also when annauling the marriage do remember to ask 75 k back with interest. I (25m) have been married to wife (25f) for 2 years and have a beautiful 2 year old daughter. I wasn’t accommodating enough to his parents who stayed with us 3 days after our daughter was born. There can only be more important considerations (as a contrived example, if separation was necessary to avoid idolatry). Instagram/Social media changed everything and how easy it is to cheat/seek attention/validation That is not how you make choices in life. Let him know you are unhappy, communicate what he needs to do better, and decide what happens if he doesn't do that. I get it, sometimes everything can be OK on paper, but at the end of the day, it's not making him happy. He often needs my help getting the baby to sleep. Find out if this marriage is saveable by getting marriage counseling, and maybe therapy for herself and you separately if possible. Step up and get support for her instead of resenting her. There’s 0 foreplay. I do not feel my best after i had my son. Leaving an unhappy marriage is a deeply personal and often difficult decision, and there are no easy answers or one-size-fits-all solutions. Whatever that is will only be worse when you need to co-operate from separate households. . But if your wife has not worked the duration of the marriage you will be paying alimony for a very long time. Gifts. Al Gore and his wife Tipper divorced in their 60s. Hang in there, kids are a blessing and it will be amazing to get to know these little people. You can file, meet someone else, provide for your daughter, pay your alimony and be done with it. I knew i should’ve left in the first year but I was scared of judgment and being a statistic. Seeking happiness all the time, would make normal days very bad. 5. Get the Reddit app Scan this QR code to download the app now Unhappy about marriage and pregnant having my baby shower and I’m due a month after. Kids > Husband. foolishfloat. Children bring the greatest joy in life. With social media uplifting the perfect-looking couple that seemingly has everything—like money, a beautiful Pinterest-worthy home, and well-behaved kids traveling Marriage is holy, a vocation until death. So, if the relationship is too suffocating, perhaps both should be honest with each other and attempt to reach for happiness. I'm not unhappy married, in fact I'm too young for this but I think some people are just lazy. g. Have a talk with each of them separately and voice your concerns in a sincere way. Financial challenges. Most people will not quit at the first sign of unhappiness and it is good that they do not. Life is hard. You can make a I've seen older people restarting life as singles and then meeting more compatible partners. Step number #2 is to see Step #1. painforpetitdej. Work maybe hard. Some of commentators in this thread are blaming on you, I disagree with them because as far as I can see, you bowed to the pressure and got A year into my marriage now if I don’t call him or get busy (I have a baby so a little busy at times) he will call me a joking day “do you not miss me anymore” The reason I’m sharing this is because I think women are so use to spending time with our loved ones and expressing so which is a little different to the natural upbringing men have. evilmonster • 9 yr. Don't do that. Need help with your relationship? Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or… We had everything lined up to move out four months after the baby was here. I’m thinking that after baby is born (I’m 38 +3 weeks) and I can be able to move around that I’m just going to file for divorce this time and go through with it. Absolutely therapy. Generally speaking, if you are fundamentally unhappy in your marriage because of the relationship you have with the person you are married to, and it does not look like things will improve despite your best efforts, is the right course of action to. 1. We went to counseling, worked on our issues, and are now expecting our first child. Especially with the unknowns. I got comfortable, stayed, settled, and now I’m trapped. Zip. You can be only 20% happy Ina marriage and still be better off if staying sibgle means ou will only be 10% happy. Make every effort first. 5 months same interest rate as credit card companies charge. Marriage is not a monolith of all good or all bad. Vice versa, agreeable happy moms tend to hang out with other good moms and keep each other accountable. Each individual must carefully weigh their options, consider their priorities and values, and seek support from trusted sources as they navigate their path forward. Always be natural and moderate. Seek out a therapist for yourself to work through how you feel. Since marrige was never consummated you won't even be called Divorced. If you're committed you'll make it through and bliss awaits! Now I’m debating marriage counseling before a divorce. Seriously, from my own experience, when arranged marriages go wrong, it's either because someone's parents got too excited or the other party lied in the process of arranged marriages. Jan 1, 2023 · Common Marriage Issues . After 9 each night is our time, most nights just watching net flix etc in bed. true. I had a love marriage 2 years back. Ask them to at least be more civil to each other in front of you. Marriage is a serious thing, that's why it should be studied before contracting it, it changes the whole life of two people and reflects on their children. It sounds like there is zero effective communication in your home. Life is too short. My pain was invisible, so it wasn't there. My parents stayed and are now stuck in their unhappy marriage. We come from very different backgrounds. Oct 19, 2020 · Instead, become the wind to each other’s wings. And your response it’s almost word for word what she replied back. I know i am responsible for for my actions and choices. Since the last 3 years, the relationship have been deteriorating gradually, less sex (even though I tried to have) finally has become null. Someone can only take so much abuse, whether it’s physical, mental, emotional, or verbal. Reply reply. Quality time spent. If you're single you can be lazy unhappy and unfulfilled just like if you are married. I wish I would have been the one who had the courage to leave, but I’m just happy to be out of that situation. So you will not be retiring anytime soon. He’s not willing to grow to help our relationship. • 4 yr. I love my daughter and being a dad more than anything in the world. (b) stay together because marriage is a life-long commitment that's more important than your day Marriage after baby Throwaway account for anonymity. The codependence is also a factor. • 2 yr. The 5 Love Languages books highlights the core ones: Words of affirmation. Or get counseling. None. I’ve been married for several months. The cost of your new baby’s diapers alone is panic inducing, so it’s crucial for new parents to communicate and understand each other’s perspective Joe/Kendra: they seem well-matched with each other, in a happy marriage and will last. I don't have the capability to begin to understand what someone goes through during and after a pregnancy. Don't have another child as it resets that clock. But it's a big deal, whatever your decision is, and you should ensure that you have all the information about yourself and what your expectations in a relationship are. Use this time to build up your lawyer’s retainer and think about what kind of parenting plan you would want for your children. They are usually able to sleep through the night on their own, and enjoy making friends (library class, dance class, etc). Take it from a divorced guy who has been there. I spent a year telling my husband that I was unhappy and exactly why. (Married 21 years this summer) Reply reply. I think you getting counseling for yourself is the most important of the two though. That and having kids. If he can’t do it, girl throw the man out you got better life to be living. After age 3, they rapidly grow more independent. You will never do anything right in their eyes. I don’t know when or why it happened, but for the past few months, I’ve become unhappy with sex with my husband. Surviving Unhappy Marriage. Marriage is hard, it’s not always sun and rainbows. Suggest that the two of you also get couples counseling. Intimacy stopped completely during pregnancy because she was weirded out. It's gotten better for us, we love the domesticity and stability and closeness its given us. After a few years of dating or marriage, love becomes a choice. Mar 15, 2024 · Focus on prioritizing your sleep. She had 3 younger kids 1 adopted with first ex and 2 bio with number 2. We would travel, have frequent date nights and could talk for Young kids are time consuming and tiring, but it gets so much better as they are around 5 or so, many times much sooner depending on personalities. CaffeineDose. Sounds horrible, but I think if we had still been married, I might have committed suicide. Lauren seems to be more in love with Josiah than he is with her. Respect for each other is key, manners in marriage are nonnegotiable. We are now in our early 30’s. My husband and I dated for almost 7 years before getting married. Any given day, life can present circumstances that require one partner to do more, give more, be more than the other, and then it shifts again, and you may find you are the one receiving. When we first got together, our sex life was great. Just because shes depressed doesnt make her feelings and decisions invalid. We prefer the reverse so marriage just works for us. Arguments never stop in a healthy way, basically I just don't say what I want to say because she will never stop the argument by herself. I hate to be this guy, but going on reddit to ask what the signs of an unhappy marriage are is a sign of an unhappy marriage. If you aren't ready yet that's okay. And for the love of all that is holy, please make SURE you don't get pregnant during his love bombing, since I am SURE he wants another child so that it will be even HARDER for you to leave. I settled big time. However I have been unhappy with my marriage now for some time and I’m not sure what direction to head. 3. I’m single but I know many people in that situation. See more posts like this in r/happy I’m deeply unhappy and lonely in my marriage. Difficulty spending time with one another. Arranged marriage - but context is that we live in the US and he in Germany. It was terrifying and I felt so alone and there was no hope for the future. Once she went off, our marriage began to slide off the rails like never before. I refused, but in 2022, they said they’re ready to move. 2 You need to set boundaries. This will harm you and your children. Don’t do his dishes. Let's say that you want a divorce. I just feel so alone and envy marriages that are healthy and normal My husband and I moved to Europe when I was pregnant but we always had ups and downs. It could be they are going through a patch of communication difficulties or they could both be incredibly stressed about something. We talked through money issues. Don’t make dinner for him. That's him saying "I'm not willing to make serious changes". 💪🙏🏼 it will be hard . Now I’m debating marriage counseling before a divorce. Don’t take your phone or tablet to bed with you. Finally it rained after weeks of scorching heat. To be honest, the main problem here is that he's assured you he'll never go to a therapist. It’s 2022 sticking around for the kids isn’t going to work. Jun 3, 2017 · 6. Try and have couple time, get the inlaws to look after child even if it's just a lunch date. You married a young adult when you were middle aged. Love Wife but Unhappy Marriage. For once, focus on you, and get the help. I’m stuck between staying and becoming even more depressed or leaving and having no idea how I’ll support myself and the kids while in school. I was so miserable and asked multiple times for us to go to marriage counseling. I’m so sorry your parents are doing this. My baby blues were ‘self-inflicted’. He was never my type or what I wanted from a husband. Fatigue and lack of sleep. I think having a baby can put you in mom mode where you really don’t want much to do with your husband. Sometimes unhappiness is a phase and it goes away. Jewelsofeast. After so many years, it is clear that he/she isn't going to do the work necessary to help build the marriage into something stronger. We have 3 kids (ages 4 and under). He even came to visit, and seemed excited for the past year. In addition, we live in a society where marriage is believed to be 50-50 but in truth sometime marriage is 100 - 0. He doesn’t hate her, but doesn’t love her either. We had a great life, we had our ups and Then while postpartum, my husband couldn’t wrap his head around postpartum recovery. I feel so unhappy in my marriage. Stress caused by trying to juggle kids, work, relationships, and other obligations. If no serious issues they stay, and that’s part of marriage life, good days bad days it’s natural. I have anxiety and have had doubts about us being together occasionally throughout the course of the relationship. Sometimes living with a baby brings out a very unattractive side to a man. yl fu df mr xm ap mx fo bx vv